I Choose Hope

// March 1st, 2010 // 11 Comments » // Loux Family News

Photo courtesy of Steve Willis at underpinphotography.com

I am constantly amazed at God’s kindness in ministering to my heart through your encouraging letters and emails.  I am so thankful for your love and prayers.  Honestly, there are some days when I am feeling our loss so deeply and the pain is absolutely beyond words.  On those days,  I am especially aware of the fact that without your prayers I would find it hard to take one more step forward.  Yesterday and today were two of those days.  I miss my precious man.  I miss his laugh, his smile, his voice…. everything about him…..everything!

I went to Derek’s grave again yesterday and just stood there,  still so sad and in disbelief that Derek’s earthly body now rested 6 feet below.  I had no words.  The tears just poured down my face.  I was aching just to be able to hug him and to feel his arms around me one more time, not wanting to accept the fact that that is something I will never have again until I am also with Jesus.  My thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the  sound of a car door slamming shut and I turned to see who had arrived.  It was a woman who seemed to be about my age. She had a large bouquet of roses and gently placed them on the vase that was attached to the grave she was visiting.  I began to wonder who the precious person was that she had lost. We both stood there, under the blue sky, feeling our grief.  I became overwhelmingly aware of the fact that there is so much pain in this world, for so many.  I once again began thinking about what people do with their pain when they don’t know Jesus?  What hope do they have? I can’t even imagine….

As I drove home from Derek’s grave, I asked the Lord to help me to be able to walk out the rest of my day with the strength and comfort only He could give me.  I desperately needed Him in the middle of the pain of my weak and broken heart. As I pulled into our driveway, I got out to collect the mail in our mailbox and found a letter that was written to me by a precious woman whom I’ve never met,  named Kendra.  She began her letter by letting me know that we were all in her prayers and on her heart. She was so kind.  Kendra then began to share some reflections that her pastor had written while he was battling terminal brain cancer for over 19 months.  Just when I thought I didn’t have one more tear to cry that day…the tears began to flow, but this time I was weeping over God’s faithfulness once again, to encourage my heart.  I began to feel His presence very near, as I began to read what Kendra shared with me.  I pray this precious pastor’s reflections, passed on to me by my new friend Kendra, will be as encouraging to each of you who are going through your own sad, heartbreaking and difficult experiences, as they were and still are to me.

“Hope and despair are not opposites. They are cut from the very same cloth, made from the very same material, shaped from the very same circumstances.  Most of all, every life finds itself forced to choose one from the other, one day at a time, one circumstance after another.  The only difference between the two is that despair shapes an attitude of mind; hope creates a quality of soul. Despair colors the way we look at things, makes us suspicious of the future, makes us negative about the present.  Hope, on the other hand, takes life on its own terms, knows that whatever happens God lives in it, and expects that, whatever its twists and turns, it will ultimately yield its good to those who live it well. When tragedy strikes, when trouble comes, when life disappoints us, we stand at the crossroads beween hope and despair, torn and hurting. Despair cements us in the present; hope sends us dancing around dark corners trusting in a tomorrow we cannot see.  Despair says that there is no place to go but here.  Hope says that God is waiting for us someplace else.  Begin again.”

We’re choosing Hope to send us dancing around this dark corner into a future where God is very present!

Thank you Kendra and the rest of you who have not just said you would pray for us,  but have truly been on your knees faithfully, taking us before the throne of God, asking Him to draw near to us,  in the middle of our great sadness. He is truly our refuge and our strength!   We are blessed beyond belief to have you in our lives; those we know well and those we’ve never personally met face to face.

I pray that the Lord will wrap each of you in a blanket of His precious love and that you will feel Him near.

Reality and God’s grace

// February 21st, 2010 // 35 Comments » // Loux Family News

In some ways it’s so hard to believe that my precious Derek has now been with Jesus for 2 months and 4 days. I’m still trying to wrap my head around everything that has happened.  The pain is still so deep that at times it takes my breath away.

I was at the store in early February and suddenly found myself walking by the Valentine’s Day cards.  I felt like I got punched in the stomach.  For the first time in 18 years, I wouldn’t be giving or getting a Valentine’s Day card from Derek.  He always celebrated our love in such a big way….we both did.  Tears stung my eyes as I once again began to think about  reality of life without him.  I watched as a couple walked by me in the store, hand in hand, and then again as a daughter climbed up on her daddy’s back, laughing and tickling him as they went out the door.  My mind began to flood with memories as the tears continued to flow.  I realized that everyone’s lives were moving on in the middle of the greatest loss we’ve ever experienced.

Our kids miss Daddy’s morning kisses, his humor, his heart to heart talks and the way he would turn something that seemed so big and so hard, into something that they could laugh about or at least get through, because of their Daddy’s wisdom, sensitivity and love. We  miss the sound of his car pulling up in the driveway at dinner time. I miss hearing all the kids yelling out, “Daddy, Daddy” as he would walk in the door.  Our girls all miss the amazing way that Derek treated each of them like a princess.  Our boys, who have only been in our family for 1 year, can’t seem to figure out where their Daddy went to.  They’re confused and it breaks my heart.  I don’t want them to think that their Daddy  just left them and I’ve been praying that the Lord would send His Holy Spirit to comfort them  with His love, in the midst of their confusion.

Derek’s presence is greatly missed in our morning devotions. We all miss him leading us in worship and in the Word.  I’ve  now picked up his guitar, an instrument I once played, before our son’s death and I told the kids, “We will have music again.”  I know I’ll never play as well as Derek did but I’ll sure do the best I can and we will sing and dance again.

So, reality for us is this. I’m grieving and trying to help our 10 children through their grief as well. Our heartbreak is beyond description.  I’ve had a million thoughts racing around in my mind about the “why.”  What I keep ending up with is the truth of the fact that I don’t and never will understand why this happened, but I know without a doubt that my God is walking this road with me, every step of the way. He is always with me, has never left me and as I draw nearer to Him, in the middle of this great sorrow, His presence grows stronger and His Holy Spirit continues to comfort my aching heart.  I’ve found that nothing else we can do will bring the peace and comfort we need like trusting the One who has allowed this situation to be in our lives. He is in control of it all. Although this hurts like nothing I’ve ever walked through before, I can trust God’s leadership in my life and in the lives of our children.

Jesus has always been faithful to us and  I know He will remain faithful.  I so appreciate all the letters, cards, encouraging emails and FB messages that I’ve received from so many of you who have helped by sharing your love, prayers and support for our family.  Your prayers have gotten us up every morning and have helped us make it through each day and I am more grateful that I can express.  I need to be honest with you though.  Many of you have thought I’ve been a rock through all of this.   I’m not a rock, but I am leaning on the One who is my Rock. Trusting God for me hasn’t meant that I’ve given everything to Jesus and am walking away with a smile on my face and a skip in my step.  It usually means that I’ve cried my eyes out and talked about everything with Jesus, over and over and over and over again.

I am focusing on what I know to be true about God’s character.  He is forming something in me that is making me stronger and causing me to realize that my trust is in Christ alone.  I am realizing that if I remain faithful to God not just in the happy seasons of life when all is going great,  but in the darkest of seasons as well,  I  won’t get all my questions answered or be able to control my circumstances,  but,  my faith will be refined through the fire and my relationship with Jesus will grow deeper. If  I choose to learn from my experiences, I won’t go through life wondering what was the point of all the heartache and the tears.  With bended knee and tears streaming down my face, I can say this.  ”I trust you.”

Romans 5:3  We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.

Romans 8:18  I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.

Psalms 34:18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalms 27:1 The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear?  The LORD is the stronghold of my life of whom shall I be afraid?

Picture courtesy of Steve Willis at underpinphotography.com

Derek’s Memorial Service Link

// January 14th, 2010 // 12 Comments » // Loux Family News

Thank you all for your prayers and support. We are so humbled by your heart towards us and are so thankful for each of you! Here are the links to the service, program and photos.

Memorial Service Link

Memorial Program Download

Photo Slide Show of the Memorial Service by Shelley Paulson

God bless you and wrap you in a blanket of His most precious love!

Renee’ and children

I miss you my Darling!

Hope

// January 5th, 2010 // 19 Comments » // Loux Family News

Hope is more than just a word, it’s a state of being. It’s a firm belief that even if you don’t know how, even if you don’t know when, God will come through and better days are up ahead. Life sends rain… Hope dances in the puddles until the sun comes out again….. Holley Gerth

(Hebrews 11:1) Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

Thank you to all our friends and family in the U.S., Poland, South Korea, Ukraine, Russia, Singapore, China, Austrailia, New Zealand, India, Israel, England, Scotland, Spain, Hawaii, the Marshall Islands and others from  around the world who have expressed your love to our family through your most needed prayers, encouraging email/blog messages and through your gifts.  We are humbled and blessed by your love!

For those of you who had a hard time watching Derek’s Memorial Service online, it will be available soon on DVD.  We will keep you posted, both on this blog and at our josiahfund.org website, when it is ready and available.  You will also be able to download and print Derek’s Memorial Service brochure.

God bless you and keep you close to His heart!

In Jesus’ love,

Renee’, Telma, Teyolla, Keyolla, Leeann, Sophia, Michaela, Sana, Sasha, Ethan and Silas

// December 31st, 2009 // 10 Comments » // Loux Family News

Derek Loux Memorial Service

On Wednesday morning December 23, 2009, Derek R. Loux (37), a husband, father, musician, and justice advocate, went home to be with the Lord after a fatal car accident in Nebraska. Derek, a faithful servant of the Lord, was husband to Renee Loux for 17 years and father to ten children, several with special needs.

The Louxs’ two biological daughters, Sophia (12) and Michaela (9), were joined by five adopted daughters from the Marshall Islands: Telma (19), Teyolla and Keyolla (twins, 18), Leeann (15), and Sana (8). Of their three adopted sons from the Ukraine, Sasha (7), Ethan (6), and Silas (3), two have Down syndrome and one has spina bifida.

Late in the evening on December 22, after attending a training seminar on how to save children out of the sex slave industry, Derek and his friend Jonathan, began their return drive home from Colorado. They hit a patch of black ice as they drove through a Nebraska snowstorm, causing their vehicle to spin out of control and flip several times. Derek was not driving the car and was sleeping in an almost completely reclined position. Derek was wearing his seatbelt, but when the car flipped, Derek was literally sucked out of his lap belt. Because he was reclined, his shoulder harness was not tight enough to hold him.  Jonathan and a witness of the accident immediately performed CPR on Derek while waiting for the ambulance. Derek was given several different drugs to revive him and after an hour, he regained a pulse. The doctor’s told the Loux family that Derek had been without a pulse for over an hour and that while being transported to a larger trauma care hosptial, his heart rate began to drop and he passed away.

Derek was part of the senior leadership team of the International House of Prayer of Kansas City (IHOP–KC) and served many areas of the missions base, including helping to pioneer Forerunner Music Academy. Before joining IHOP–KC, he served as the director of Indianapolis House of Prayer for four years. As a professional musician, singer, and songwriter, Derek recorded several CDs including Paper Religion and Fragrant Burning. He was also a worship leader and a frequent conference speaker.

Derek’s life passion was adopting and restoring orphans, particularly those with special needs. He pioneered the vision of the Orphan Justice Center, a haven of restoration for rescued orphans.

Kirk Bennett, director of IHOP–KC’s justice department, worked with Derek and the Orphan Justice Center.  “Derek was a joyful husband and father. He is one of the most amazing champions of justice, adoption, and life that I have ever worked with. He was intensely and personally involved in bringing justice to many; he demonstrated the value of life to people and individuals so that they could experience their own value and freedom,” said Kirk.

Derek and Renee’s firstborn son, Josiah, a special needs child, passed away when he was 2½ years old. Josiah’s life and death opened the Louxs’ eyes to a whole new world of love for children with special needs. As a result, one of their dreams has been to buy approximately 45 acres on Blue Ridge Boulevard, Grandview, to build a “mansion of mercy” and therapy center for special needs children and the staff caring for them. Renee and the Loux children plan to continue their current efforts to help children, fulfilling this dream even in Derek’s death. For more detailed information about the Josiah project and how you can partner with the Loux family, go to www.josiahfund.org <http://www.josiahfund.org> .

Mike and Diane Bickle and the entire IHOP–KC staff will greatly miss Derek Loux, his excellent leadership, and his faithful friendship. Speaking of Derek, Mike Bickle says: “He was a faithful man who loved God and cared about people. He led worship teams, and helped start Forerunner Music Academy and the Orphan Justice Center. He was an integral part of our leadership and he will be greatly missed as a dear friend.”

Derek’s memorial service will be held on Saturday, January 2, 2010 at the IHOP–KC Forerunner School of Ministry building located at 12444 Grandview Road, Grandview, Missouri, 64030.

Service times are as follows: viewing, 10:00am–noon; memorial service (available by live webstream on IHOP.org/louxmemorial<http://www.ihop.org/louxmemorial> ), 2:00pm–4:30pm.

If you would like to assist the family at this tragic time, you may do so by mailing your tax-deductible financial gift to:

IHOP–KC
3535 E. Red Bridge Road
Kansas City, MO 64137

Please make checks payable to “SCCF” and write “IHOP–KC Benevolence Fund” in the memo line.

Checks may also be brought to the IHOP–KC Business Office at 3535 E. Red Bridge Road, Kansas City. If you would like to make a credit card donation, please call: 816.763.0200 x.2250

Please Keep Our Family in Prayer

// December 23rd, 2009 // 208 Comments » // Loux Family News

The letter below was sent out to our IHOP community on the recent loss of husband, father, son, brother, and friend, Derek Loux. Please keep our family in prayer as we grieve this incredible loss.

On behalf of the entire family, we thank you,

Tracie Loux

Dear IHOP family,

Derek Loux, who was such an important part of our IHOP family for many years, is now in the presence of his Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  Early this morning as he was traveling home from Colorado, Derek was killed in an automobile accident when his car hit a patch of black ice.  Derek had been in Colorado to receive more extensive training in how to minister to victims of human trafficking,

For years, this precious man of God has faithfully served his Lord and our Missions Base in so many areas, including helping pioneer the Forerunner Music Academy, where he served as director.  Derek was part of the IHOP-KC senior leadership team, a worship leader in the House of Prayer, and a frequent IHOP-KC conference speaker.  He has recorded professionally as a musician, singer and songwriter; including his albums Paper Religion and Fragrant Burning.  Before joining IHOP-KC, he served as the director of IHOP-Indianapolis for four years.

Derek’s life passion was adopting and restoring orphans; he pioneered the vision of the Orphan Justice Center – a haven of restoration for rescued orphans.  OJC recently become an official part of IHOP.  His tireless voice for the weak and voiceless indelibly marked us all. How we will miss him.
Renee and the children will need so very much love and support, not only in these first weeks, but for many years. In the immediate, Pamela Stead will spearhead all practical care for the family.  Please contact her (pamelastead@ihop.org) if you want to be involved in practical helps. We ask you to please give the Loux family (immediate and extended) privacy to grieve, and only go to the home if invited. There will be many ways to give – meals, childcare, home care, finances. More details will follow soon on how you can give to this precious family, as well as Memorial plans.

We do not grieve as those who have no hope, but oh how we grieve. For Renee, for children who have lost their earthly father,  and for our family who has lost a marvelous comrade.  Until that Day when He dries every tear…we mourn with the Loux family.

The IHOP Leadership Team

Our Beautiful Sana

// December 13th, 2009 // 3 Comments » // Loux Family News

In our previous blog post, we were talking about how precious our family support staff is and how thankful we are for each of them!  For some reason, one of our Family Support Staff member’s (Claire) pictures didn’t post when I posted the blog post.  Claire is so precious to us and I just wanted you to get a chance to go back and view the post once more to see her beautiful face and to know how thankful we are for her as well!  We love Claire so much and are blown away by her servant’s heart!

The following  account below is from our family support staff member “Kristen”.  Sophia and Sana performed in their school’s Christmas play last week (Michaela got sick the last minute and couldn’t participate) … the rest of the family attended.  The date had been changed and was earlier than the previous years so Derek and I were very disappointed that we were going to miss the girl’s Christmas program!  We will get to see it on video so that helps a little.

Kristen’s account of something very special that happened:

Tonight I took some short little videos of Sana singing–she was beyond
adorable.  Sana had seen me up front taking pictures, but didn’t know about the videos.
When I told her that I had taken them, she lit up and exclaimed “Oh good then my mommy can see
them.”  Talk about melt your heart!!!  I said, “Yes, your mommy will love to see it!”

As we were leaving home to come to the performance tonight, Sana looked at herself in the mirror and said “I am
different.”  I could tell she meant that in a positive way, but wasn’t sure
what she meant.  So I asked her about it and she said “I feel different” as she studied
herself in her pretty outfit.  So I said, “Oh, do you feel really beautiful in that pretty dress?”
With her eye’s beaming she said “Yes!”  … moments I wouldn’t trade for the world!

At the end of the show.. the kids sang a song “There Are No Orphans In God’s
Family” … Sana was on my lap and Sasha was on Renee’s mom’s lap. Sasha kept
reaching over to hold Sana’s hand throughout the night… so as this last
song was sung, it about moved me to tears because these two precious
treasures, placed in such a wonderful family this year,  were holding hands with
each other.  Sasha loved the tune so much he raised his other free hand in
worship and Sana was humming aloud to the finale.   Joyful little hearts!!!

Thanks so much Kristen, for sharing this with us!  Only God would devise such a heartmelting plan as to take the little orphan crippled boy from rural Ukraine and the orphaned bright eyed South Pacific princess, put them into the same family as brother and sister, and have them sit together in Missouri, hold hands and sing “There Are No Orphans In God’s Family”.  There is no story teller like our God!

Our beautiful Sana and precious Kristen!

Our Amazing Family Support Staff!!!

// December 13th, 2009 // 2 Comments » // Loux Family News

Renee and I are in Hawaii for 12 days together.  We did five days of ministry here,  both at a church in Hilo and at the Youth With A Mission base in Kona.  While in Kona, we got to see our precious  Telma.  She is completing her missions school at YWAM’s University Of the Nations.  Telma will be getting on a plane for Rwanda on Monday, headed for her outreach, where she will be ministering to orphans with AIDS.  We had such a wonderful time loving on her, celebrating an early Christmas together and telling her how proud we are of her!  What a beautiful heart she has!

We are now taking a week to celebrate a long overdue 2nd honeymoon.  The Lord blessed us with the use of a great time share home right on the ocean!  He is so good!  While we’ve been away our “Family Support Staff” (Claire, Tiffany, Peter, Kristen, & Travis) and Renee’s mom Flo, have been taking care of our kids.  We received the following email from Kristen and had to share it with you.

Before bedtime last night, we put the IHOP (International House of Prayer) webstream on in the boys room
and we started praying together.  At first we just had the little boys along with Sophia and Sana.   We prayed
for different ones and we could really feel the presence of the Holy Spirit in a strong way… Then Leann brought
in sweet KK (Michaela) who wasn’t feeling well so we could pray for her.  As we prayed I opened my eyes to see
that Ethan, Silas and Sasha had all scooted over and put their hands on Michaela and were praying for her too.
As KK opened her eyes periodically and saw all her siblings, especially the boys praying it even put a contented
smile on that sweet little face.  She was feeling miserable!

Later as I was holding Sasha and praying for him, I could feel the fire of the Lord resting so strongly on him.  He seemed
so peaceful and just rested into it.   My hands were so hot as Sasha and I danced to the streaming worship together–Sasha
in my arms.  God loves to encounter little boys!!  Tucking him in bed that night, I asked him what he wanted to pray for… he
said “Healing”… I asked, “Healing for who?”   He said “Mama” I said “Okay”,  and then he said “Sasha too.”  I said “Okay, what
should we ask God to heal?” He said “My legs.”

It is unbelievable to have such incredible people on our team as we fight for justice for the orphan together.  To have people give of their time and of themselves so sacrificially, loving the Lord, loving our kids, and taking the time to lead them in prayer, worship, and discipling them while we are gone just blows our minds!  Renee and I stood in the kitchen of the home we’re vacationing in, with tears of gratitude streaming down our faces.  Thank you Claire!  Thank you Tiff!  Thank you Peter!  Thank you Kristen!  Thank you Travis!  Thank you Mom! We love you and are so thankful that you are family!

Our beautiful Claire with our precious Ehan! Claire is our "Wonder Woman!" She goes above and beyond what is asked of her daily! What a beautiful servant's heart she has! Claire, we love you so much! You are so precious and we are blessed beyond belief to call you "family." Thanks for giving of yourself daily to each one of us!

Claire, Silas and Ethan having fun among the apple tree

Our beautiful Tiffany with our precious Silas.... Tiff is amazing! She has such a tender heart of love and Silas adores her! Thanks Tiff for all you mean to each of us. You are priceless!

Our Peter has a beautiful heart and the most precious spirit! Sasha absolutley adores him. We love you Peter! You are a true and priceless gift from Jesus to us! Thanks for loving Sasha so well!

Our Travis is incredible! He loves to play with our kids and he's just so much fun! We love and appreciate you so much! You are a gem and we are so thankful for you!

Our beautiful Kristen! What a servant's heart she has! Our kids adore her and we love her so much! Thanks for how you pour out your love on our children! We love you so much!

Mom is amazing! She loves her grandchildren so well! Thank you Mom for how you give of yourself daily to each of us. You are such a servant and we are so thankful for you! We love you very much!!

Sana and Kristen

Our Fun Day At Disneyland

// December 11th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Loux Family News

As those of you who have read our previous blog posts know, our family  was not only blessed with an all expense paid trip to Universal Studios, but to Disneyland as well.  Here are some pictures of our fun day!

Walt Disney and Mickey Mouse

Sasha getting his first experience of being lifted up on a wheel chair ramp. He thought this was so much fun.

Enjoying the tram ride

Fun on the Merry-Go-Round ..... Silas was a bit sleepy, bless his heart

Going in the belly of the whale... hmmmm... must of been a little of what Jonah felt like!

KK (Michaela) and her buddy Matthew, taking a Hot Cheetos break

The Christmas Parade

Key and Tey in Adventure Land

Ethan and his proud Papa

Our happy Sasha

Telma and Mommy

Telma and Daddy

Four beauties under the Christmas Tree

Daddy carrying two of his wild princesses

Silas and Telma lovin on each other

Daddy and his girls

Our friend Matthew and our Michaela having fun with Daddy

Just look at those smiles!

Leeann, Daddy and Sasha taking a fun flight with Dumbo

Some good lovin!

Sasha taking a sneak sip of Daddy's iced coffee... the end to a very happy day!

The beautiful castle at night

An awesome hug in front of the castle

A Day At Universal Studios

// December 10th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Loux Family News

Here are some pictures of our fun day at Universal Studios in Los Angeles!  What a blessing! Thanks again to the beautiful person who owns a business in LA who treated us gold and blessed our entire family with this fun trip!  We are humbled and so moved by your love!

We are family!

Leeann and Silas getting ready for the fun!

Sophie, Derek and Telma, along with "Donkey" from Shrek

Sasha said "Green man, big muscles!" Ha!

One of our wonderful new friends, and hosts, Kevin, with our Michaela

Derek and the kids

Fun, fun, fun!!!

Our friend Misuk, here with Leeann, was our main host. She was just amazing! What a servant's heart!

OOHHH, glad this is just pretend! Just look at those teeth!

Our beautiful Silas and Tey

Sasha thought the jaws of this great white were pretty cool. They look a lot cooler on land than they would coming up out of the water!

Derek, the man I love, and our beautiful Sophie!

Sasha has a new buddy named Matthew. He was such a great friend to Sasha while we were in LA. What a great young man! Sasha loves him!

Just look at these beauties!

Ethan getting ready for a 3D show

Silas lookin cool