I’ve always been one who loves to celebrate birthdays. I enjoy making the people I love feel treasured and loved on their special day. I love celebrating the gift of life and the blessings God has given to our family with each special family member. I love buying gifts, preparing a favorite birthday meal, decorating the house with streamers, balloons, and confetti.

Today is another special birthday. Today we would have been celebrating Derek’s 39th birthday. I would have made his favorite dinner and I would have surprised him with a gift  I knew he would love. Our children would have lavished him with handmade cards and sweet gifts of their own and I would have teased him about the growing number of candles on his cake. I would have written in his card all the wonderful things I feel about him. One more time I would have told him that he was the most amazing husband and the best father on the planet. I would have told him that I was honored to be his wife and so blessed by all that he poured into our family. I would have told him that his passions in life were my passions. I would have told him that I was so excited to see what the Lord had for him in the coming year. We would have prayed blessings over him as a family. We would have celebrated his life in every possible way!

I find myself paralyzed on his birthday this year as I think about yet another birthday without him here.

But, I will still celebrate his life.  It’s a life worth celebrating.  I will still give him the best gift I know to give him. I will love our children and I will carry on the vision we shared. We will still have cake, German Chocolate, his favorite. We will still make cards. We will place them on his grave because it’s all we know to do.

I will tell him….

My Precious Derek,

Your life was the greatest gift the Lord has ever given me. I am so grateful for the years spent with you as my best friend, my sweetest love. Next to Jesus, you were the one who knew me and loved me best of all. You were an amazing husband. Every day I miss you.

Every day I long to share the thoughts of my heart with you. You were the best father ever and your children are such a beautiful reflection of your faithfulness, your leadership, your love, and your commitment.  They miss you so much. I can barely stand the pain of watching them struggle without you. I pray each day that they will cling to all that you have sown into their lives and that they will remember God’s goodness and His love in the midst of this heartbreaking struggle.  They are so beautiful and you would be so proud of how they’ve postured their hearts in the middle of the pain.

The passions of our lives have not been laid to rest my darling. I am forging ahead. I’m pretty sure you are able to see this all unfolding. I know you are beaming with joy and cheering us all on, as you see the fight continue for the orphan, the widow, and those bound by sex trafficking. I can only imagine the thrill in your heart every time you hear the heavenly announcement that one more child is an orphan no more, that one more widow has been embraced and loved, and that one more prisoner has been set free. Keep interceding for us, my love. There is so much work to do. We feel your love, your encouragement, and your intercession even now.

Oh my love, to say that I miss you falls so short. There is an ache in my heart that no words can explain. I will always and forever be changed by your love and I will continue to thank Jesus every day for the priceless gift of you.

You are beautiful and I will always remember…

Forever yours,

Renee’

My sister-in-law Tracie has written a birthday post in honor of Derek on her BLOG (click here). In her post she has asked that we all join together to celebrate Derek’s birthday by helping to bring one special orphan HOME.  I would like to join her in asking that you help our family celebrate Derek’s birthday in this incredible way!