My Precious Derek,
It has now been 6 months that we’ve been without you. We miss you and ache for you more than words can say. I know the Father sees our hearts and is caring for each of us like only He can. His love and grace are overwhelming. We feel His presence very near.
Father’s Day without you was a painful reminder of the hole that has been left behind since your death. I was reminded of the times you and I went to our son Josiah’s grave, and now there I was kneeling at yours, with your 10 children all around me. As we placed flowers on your grave and the kids sent up balloons with messages to you, warm tears ran down our faces, and we started reminiscing about fun and happier times with you. We know you are with Jesus, and you are experiencing more joy than we could begin to imagine. I was thinking about you being in heaven on Father’s Day and about how our son Josiah and our other children who were miscarried, are with you now. You are holding them, and they are holding you. What a special day of celebration. We are so happy for you, and we know that one day we’ll all be together again…no more sorrow, no more tears.
We made a big announcement to our extended family members on Father’s Day, and we know you heard and are celebrating with us. We are going to adopt another son, My Love. I know it’s just me now, but forever and always this has been our dream together, and I am determined to continue to walk out all that we had hoped and dreamed of, for our lives and our children who are yet to come. I truly believe that as I walk this journey of motherhood without you by my side, the Lord is allowing you to see what’s going on. I know you’re still involved in interceding for our children, cheering me on, and trusting me not to put down the torch. I hear your words, I remember all the conversations we’ve had about orphans, and all we dreamed of doing together to help them. I miss talking to you, and I miss that look we would give each other when we knew we were going to just “go for it” and bring in another priceless angel.
So, as I move forward with our vision to restore the broken and wounded, I do it knowing I am not alone. Jesus is here with me, and all you and I dreamed of together is going to move forward. I am determined to run this race well and to do it with the same passion as when you and I did it together.
The son we are bringing home will be one year old on July 4th. As I seek the Lord for the name He has for this precious boy, I have been calling him my “Freedom Boy.” The Lord is redeeming his life and setting him free. He will no longer be prisoner to pain, he will no longer be wounded and broken. I will give him our name, Derek. I will call him my own.
As I sought the Lord for wisdom in moving forward with this huge decision, one others may think crazy, the Lord did incredible things to confirm it in my heart. He has been so kind to me. I told the Lord clearly that I would not move forward without a direct word from Him and without complete peace, as well as agreement among all of our children.
Your children are amazing, Honey. They all wholeheartedly agreed that bringing this precious one into our family was what they all wanted.
The most powerful thing the Lord spoke to me during my time away with Him to hear His heart for this adoption was from Isaiah 49.
49:1-3 “Listen to me, you islands; hear this, you distant nations: Before I was born the Lord called me; from my birth he has made mention of my name. He made my mouth like a sharpened sword, in the shadow of his hand he hid me; he made me into a polished arrow and concealed me in his quiver. He said to me, “You are my servant, Israel, in whom I will display my splendor.”
Our son is coming from the Marshall Islands once again, the place you and I met and fell in love, where you asked me to marry you and the place where 5 of our precious daughters were born. He will be for the glory and splendor of the Lord.
49:8-10 “This is what the Lord says: “In the time of my favor I will answer you, and in the day of salvation I will help you; I will keep you and will make you to be a covenant for the people, to restore the land and to reassign its desolate inheritances, to say to the captives, ‘Come out,’ and to those in darkness, ‘Be free!’ “They will feed beside the roads and find pasture on every barren hill. They will neither hunger nor thirst, nor will the desert heat or the sun beat upon them. He who has compassion on them will guide them and lead them beside springs of water.”
This sweet boy’s life is about to BE SET FREE! Born on Independence Day, he will be rescued just before his first birthday.
49:18-22 “Lift up your eyes and look around; all your sons gather and come to you. As surely as I live,” declares the Lord, “you will wear them all as ornaments; you will put them on, like a bride. Though you were ruined and made desolate and your land laid waste, now you will be too small for your people, and those who devoured you will be far away. The children born during your bereavement will yet say in your hearing, ‘This place is too small for us; give us more space to live in.’ Then you will say in your heart, ‘Who bore me these? I was bereaved and barren; I was exiled and rejected. Who brought these up? I was left all alone, but these–where have they come from?’ This is what the Sovereign Lord says: “See, I will beckon to the Gentiles, I will lift up my banner to the peoples; they will bring your sons in their arms and carry your daughters on their shoulders.”
I still am in awe of the goodness of the Lord to speak with me in this way, so clearly! I am so blown away that the Lord has chosen to bless me even “during my bereavement.”
And the Lord even knew I needed to laugh! “Give us MORE SPACE TO LIVE IN!!” I’m sure I’ll be hearing that even more than I already do now!
So here we go again Honey. Another wild ride! With all my heart, I wish you were here to celebrate with me, as another little one is brought into the Kingdom! I love you, will never forget you and will keep pressing on in the calling the Lord gave us both!
And now, introducing our new son, “Freedom Boy”… name to be announced later!