I Choose Hope
// March 1st, 2010 // Loux Family News
Photo courtesy of Steve Willis at underpinphotography.com
I am constantly amazed at God’s kindness in ministering to my heart through your encouraging letters and emails. I am so thankful for your love and prayers. Honestly, there are some days when I am feeling our loss so deeply and the pain is absolutely beyond words. On those days, I am especially aware of the fact that without your prayers I would find it hard to take one more step forward. Yesterday and today were two of those days. I miss my precious man. I miss his laugh, his smile, his voice…. everything about him…..everything!
I went to Derek’s grave again yesterday and just stood there, still so sad and in disbelief that Derek’s earthly body now rested 6 feet below. I had no words. The tears just poured down my face. I was aching just to be able to hug him and to feel his arms around me one more time, not wanting to accept the fact that that is something I will never have again until I am also with Jesus. My thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the sound of a car door slamming shut and I turned to see who had arrived. It was a woman who seemed to be about my age. She had a large bouquet of roses and gently placed them on the vase that was attached to the grave she was visiting. I began to wonder who the precious person was that she had lost. We both stood there, under the blue sky, feeling our grief. I became overwhelmingly aware of the fact that there is so much pain in this world, for so many. I once again began thinking about what people do with their pain when they don’t know Jesus? What hope do they have? I can’t even imagine….
As I drove home from Derek’s grave, I asked the Lord to help me to be able to walk out the rest of my day with the strength and comfort only He could give me. I desperately needed Him in the middle of the pain of my weak and broken heart. As I pulled into our driveway, I got out to collect the mail in our mailbox and found a letter that was written to me by a precious woman whom I’ve never met, named Kendra. She began her letter by letting me know that we were all in her prayers and on her heart. She was so kind. Kendra then began to share some reflections that her pastor had written while he was battling terminal brain cancer for over 19 months. Just when I thought I didn’t have one more tear to cry that day…the tears began to flow, but this time I was weeping over God’s faithfulness once again, to encourage my heart. I began to feel His presence very near, as I began to read what Kendra shared with me. I pray this precious pastor’s reflections, passed on to me by my new friend Kendra, will be as encouraging to each of you who are going through your own sad, heartbreaking and difficult experiences, as they were and still are to me.
“Hope and despair are not opposites. They are cut from the very same cloth, made from the very same material, shaped from the very same circumstances. Most of all, every life finds itself forced to choose one from the other, one day at a time, one circumstance after another. The only difference between the two is that despair shapes an attitude of mind; hope creates a quality of soul. Despair colors the way we look at things, makes us suspicious of the future, makes us negative about the present. Hope, on the other hand, takes life on its own terms, knows that whatever happens God lives in it, and expects that, whatever its twists and turns, it will ultimately yield its good to those who live it well. When tragedy strikes, when trouble comes, when life disappoints us, we stand at the crossroads beween hope and despair, torn and hurting. Despair cements us in the present; hope sends us dancing around dark corners trusting in a tomorrow we cannot see. Despair says that there is no place to go but here. Hope says that God is waiting for us someplace else. Begin again.”
We’re choosing Hope to send us dancing around this dark corner into a future where God is very present!
Thank you Kendra and the rest of you who have not just said you would pray for us, but have truly been on your knees faithfully, taking us before the throne of God, asking Him to draw near to us, in the middle of our great sadness. He is truly our refuge and our strength! We are blessed beyond belief to have you in our lives; those we know well and those we’ve never personally met face to face.
I pray that the Lord will wrap each of you in a blanket of His precious love and that you will feel Him near.
22 Responses to “I Choose Hope”
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- Sahab said: thank you i share it here http://alhanaan.blogspo...
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- Ruth said: amen sister. i need these reminders. thank you....
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Renee,
When you worship Him and choose to hope in Him in the midst of your despair, you are absolutely radiant to Him. He loves you so much that He has to choke back the tears when He speaks of you. You are so very precious to our Savior. He is ravished by your love in the midst of this dark hour. May you experience His uncontainable love for you today.
Love,
Sarah
Dearest Renee,
I wish all of us who love you so could take slices of your grief so you wouldn’t have to bear it all. Your broken spirit is a precious fragrant offering to the One who loves and knows you best. Your words and the words of many who respond to you are so beautiful and inspire us all to go to deeper places in Him. Thank you for sharing your beautiful broken heart with all of us.
Hoping with you in the Dance that is to come!
Love you so, Pam
Thank you so much, Renee, for your openness and sharing about what you are going through! I had tears come to me as I was reading your post. I have never experienced the kind of grief you are experiencing… I can’t even imagine what it must be like…
Please do continue to share – the good, the bad and the ugly – cuz this fuels my prayers – and I pray I do! It’s good to walk alongside you a little bit – even from thousands of miles away.
Love and blessings from Isabel in NZ
oops, just re-read my post – I meant to say “and pray I do!” – and will continue to do so
Shalom, dear sister,
Isabel
Hi Renee…. I’m a friend of Wendy Bisset’s and am here in Grandview. I just wanted to say thank you for your heart… it is beautiful in way’s that words cannot describe! I know that the Lord is giving you and your kids abundant grace in this time, but I must say “thank you” again to choosing to walk with the Lord in His grace! Not everyone does, but you have…. it’s beautiful and lovely! Since Derek died, I’ve been praying for you and the kids and will continue to do so! much love and grace! You and your entire family’s lives are a testimony to the deep, deep love of Jesus.~Danielle
Thank you for sharing. Continuing to pray. It is so hard to know what to say, but thank you for opening your heart in the midst of incredible pain. The Swagertys (and The Rock of Roseville) love and pray for you from a distance.
My words can not compare to yours or make your journey less painful…I don’t want to be like Job’s friends…I just want to listen to you, and let you know that I am thinking of you and praying for you. You are loved.
Renee–
My name is Gwenn. I lam a missionary in Haiti where I am mother to currently 6 (will be 20) formerly orphaned, abandoned, or enslaved children. Months ago I heard about your family and thought– wow, we need to connect and swap strategies.
When the earth shook in Haiti on January 12th, all semblance of normalcy was replaced by overwhelming despair– both in our city of Jacmel (who lost about 10% of our population) and in our country, where the death toll tops 230,000… possibly as high as 300,000.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for this post. The despair I have been feeling is overwhelming. The images I can’t erase. But I work for an organization in Haiti called “Lajwa nan Lespwa” (in English “Joy in Hope.”) I think the despair has made me forget the hope. Thanks for the reminder that they are in fact cut from the same cloth…
May God be with you in these darkest days.
-Gwenn
Dearest Renee! I just read this post this morning, March7th, and I broke into tears! You are such a precious woman and becoming such a dear friend! You wrote about wanting to hold him just one more time…that’s where the floodgates opened up: listen to song number one on the CD I gave you yesterday, but be ready for the tears to flow. I love you and am so thankful the Lord has blessed me with YOU and your family! I look forward to more times together! Holding you all up to Daddy!
Thank you for sharing these words and for sharing your heart. Your loss and display of strength and trust in the Lord are such an inspiration. You have the gift of bringing hope to others as well Renee.
God bless you and your family
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, Thou art with me . . . As you walk, as you grieve through this deep, deep valley, remember HE is a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief. HE is more than acquainted with grief, HE drank the cup. My heart breaks with and for you and yours. Death is a brick wall, you are thrown against it – It changes you, but it’s reality never changes.
Cry to Jesus!
Renee,
My name is Katelynn and I am the daughter of Derek’s cousin, Beth McGinley (nee McNally). I have always felt so much love and respect in my heart for your family and the amazing work that you do, and as I sit here at my desk reading this blog, my eyes are filled with tears thinking about you and the loss you and all your loved ones are experiencing.
I think of the last time I saw Derek’s mother, father, and grandmother a year or so ago, on their last visit through MD. I was so fascinated and amazed by their stories. They told me about your trips to the Ukraine — how brave you are, how wise! I am in awe of your generosity of spirit, and your love for your children, which radiates through the computer with every word you type.
We think and pray for you, for Derek, for your beautiful family, so often.
Love,
Katelynn
“Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him.”
You are an inspiration. Don’t give up.
Renee & Family… I love you. Keep. Be. Rest. Love. Move. Peace.
I am in Kansas City next Friday – Sunday for Jason Upton & IHOP. I AM ONLY HOPING TO SEE YOU & FAMILY, if you have the time!!! PLEASE CALL OR EMAIL… 317-937-5500
I miss Sophie’s and Kk’s big smiles every day at school! I miss your hole family .My family and i are praying for you.My friend and i wont to help . So I hope to see you at s.a.t. tests miss you and God bless you
Dearest Renee,
I write these words to you this evening in hopes that in the darkest of seasons that you will continue to see that “He” is “Good”.
When I heard the news of what happened through a close friend back on Christmas week, of course as many did at the time, I too began to pray for you, the children, but for you especially since when I first meet you and we had only had minimal contact I never saw you as a forerunner but as an eagle. Father does not have many eagles you know. My prayers for you I will not lie were always the same “Father help her to cling to you, to cling tightly. It is in the clinging that we see how Good you are, help her to cling to feel your liquid love like never before.”
As days went by so many of us went on with our own lives and I was no different, I will not lie to you the thoughts of Loux family would come into my thoughts and even prayers but as everyone knows our own lives begin to take form and shape again and different prayers and issues begin to invade the space of our lives and those prayers for the Loux family would become less as other’s or even our own family needs would come to the forefront.
I write all this Renee, because tonight I arrived home early from work something that almost never happens to me. I was tired but tried all I could to relax and soak in His love, a place that I treasure now being back in the marketplace. I feel off to sleep but was awoken by a dream of the phone ringing with a picture of Derek speaking to me through a picture type web camera. All I heard him say was to “Call Renee”. I repeated it several times to myself in the dream, not knowing why he of all people would even come into my dreams telling me to call you, but knowing deep inside that Father does speak to all of us in the night seasons. I awoke and knew that I did not have the connection with you to call you directly and well, what would I say? You do not know me. So I did what Father taught me so long ago to do when I dream and do not get the interpretation right away. I began to pray in the spirit seeing over and over again Derek in that web camera asking me to call you. Immediately I felt it was Holy Spirit asking me to intercede for you of course but also to let you know that I was not the only one Father was asking this from, that he is awakening many to do the same in this season of such deep pain that no words can express what you are feeling.
I obeyed and will continue to cover you in His precious blood through prayer and intercession, but Renee I wanted to share with you this as well, since in my covering you in prayer it lead me to your blog. My only hope is that these words will comfort you somehow and someway when no words can explain why and no physical earthly touch can fill the void.
Derek was and is still one of Father’s eagles, but you are as well. You have been placed here to be his earthly eagle, eagles are unlike any other species, they are fascinating you know, as you study the life of an eagle you will see what I am trying to say but cannot put into words. You and Derek were chosen to be His eagles. This is a season of clinging Renee, I read your words in this blog and they captured my soul and I know Father is so close to you right now, so close. I know that I know He will give you the grace and strength to soar again, just continue to lean and to cling, lean and cling in the midst of it all, for I know His intention is to have you soar like you never have before.
In Father’s Arms
Everytime you post I cry my eyes out as I can feel you pain through your posts…We still pray for you and those sweet blessings of yours…healing of their little hearts. Love Candy, Kya Blu and Jagger Jett Murnan
I have just been very inspired by your families love. I really enjoyed the song you have on your page, is there anywhere I can make a donation for that song or possibly an album?
Thank you for all of your love,
Nikki
I started reading your blog back in fall. I hadn’t read anything since December, and when I checked back last night, I couldn’t believe what I saw. Your faith amazes me through this dark time. Thank you for sharing Kendra’s words here. To God be the glory. Praying for you and your family. You were the first thing I thought of when I woke up this morning!
Love and peace,
mrs boo rad
I couldn’t help the tears that flowed down my face as I read your post. My heart breaks over the pain your family must fell. You are in my prayers.
Hi.
My name Chris, I am now in England but I am Polish man.Only Our Lord Jesus Christ know wahat your feeling in this time.I stay in the sam line and send to your whole family my word I Love so much and I would like be a partner in your ministry.
Chris
Renee,
Today, I miscarried – our hope had been for five years to conceive. I was crying out to God and needed not only to hear from Him, but needed desperately for a shoulder to cry on. My husband and I are in Scotland and 3,000 miles away from my Mommy, so I got on Facebook and emailed a friend. Kim, my friend, had posted the last line of your blog and boy it struck me! She had me read your blog and what comfort I found there.
Oh, how I am grieving, but my dark corner is just that – a corner. I do not know yet what is on the other side and my dancing may not be more than a few labored steps just now, but I WILL dance, I WILL sing, I WILL hope. And I will weep, for joy and with my Father Who weeps with me.
Thank you, Renee, for bearing your heart to the Lord and for us here. You have so encouraged me through your post, as much as Kendra did through her letter. Hope and depair in the same fabric… In the same blog, in the same Facebook message, in two different countries, in two different situations. HOPE NEVER FAILS. LOVE NEVER FAILS.
Thank you, Renee.
With much love and many prayers,
Anna